I need help fast

[Jason20092010]

I have a problem where I have these routines that i get into ,but when i do something outside of these routines i get depressed (the length and severity depends on what i did,sometimes there is no depression but that depends on what i did). Like if i want a lunch or to buy something or post on a message board, or take a walk i can't because it's not in my routine. This problem started in march 2007. I had a routine where i would read the bible all day (except when i went to church and my church group and when i took walks and went to the store/to theme parks). If i broke this routine i would get depressed (severity and length varied depending on what i did) Gradually more and more things that i wanted to do were taken out of my routine (like having snacks/drinking soda/taking walks) i fought to keep my church group and eating dinner and going to theme parks to stay in my routine. Later that year i had enough i rebeled against it. I purposely did things outside of this routine to an extent .However there were still limits and when i broke these limits , i would get depressed again like before.I went to a shrink for help with this in early 2008.I was told it was OCD (which i was diagnosed with when i was a kid-teen),and i was put on pexeva. On pexeva i did things i wanted to do (hoping that the pexeva would allow me to do it) however again there were limits on what i could do and not do (ie my mind would make new routines based on the new things that i was doing,same problem different settings ie instead of reading the bible,i would be online all day) and that is where i am now.I went off the pexeva in summer 2008.Like then, whatever routine i am in ,if i do something outside of that routine ,i get depressed (severity and length depending on what i did ,sometimes i can get away with it but not always). I have a little more freedom now but there is still things that i can't do (i still am stuck in these routines). I never had this mental problem pre march 2007. I used to be the opposite I used to do what i wanted and i was happy. I want to be able to do what i want without having to stick to a routine (like i used to be)

Here are some reasons my mind tells me not to do things (though my mind most of the time doesnt give a reason to not do things)

if i buy a snack at the store, i won't have money for a trip.

i like listening to music, so if i eat a snack,i won't get into the music like i would have if i didn't eat it

if i listen to music now,i won't enjoy the same song when i listen to it in the future (because my mind will be sick of it)

My mind also exploits the butterfly effect (everything i do i think 'well if i do this then this will or wont happen because of it' and that is another reason.

[admin]

When I started reading your message, the first diagnosis which came into my mind was OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).

Cognitive behaviour therapy is helpful for people with obsessive compulsive disorder. You might want to talk to your psychiatrist for this.

What dose of pexeva (paroxetine) did you try? You may need higher doses.