tbone
02-02-2010, 08:24 PM
I found out recently a depressed person is usually the last person to find out he suffers from depression.
The one thing I always thought I was good at was fixing things (mechanical things).
As far back as I can remember I always understood cause and effect. I can take mechanical things apart in my mind.
The more hopeless the repair seemed, the greater the challenge, the more satisfaction.
If I don't have the right tools... I try to make it work with the tools I do have.
When my hormones began to draw me towards the opposite sex and relationships, the only tools I had were the ones my dad used.
But this is typical normal stuff so far, right?
The difference I think is...
Most guys don't feel the need to understand it like I do. I ask why, I question everything, I begin to doubt myself, and everyone around me. It builds and spills into every aspect of my life. Kind of like that movie " A Beautiful Mind " where Russell Crowe goes insane trying solve a enigma that may not exist.
When I get to that point, I cannot concentrate at work. I cannot sleep. It feels hopeless. I begin realize there is nothing that can be done about it...
And that is where I lose myself.
I often times expect my wife to fix it. She says she can't... (in my condition I interpret that as she won't)
(but often times she does help, she just don't know it or realize the value of it).
When I finally feel completely alone with it...
I take the pill.
I am instantly better.
The one thing I always thought I was good at was fixing things (mechanical things).
As far back as I can remember I always understood cause and effect. I can take mechanical things apart in my mind.
The more hopeless the repair seemed, the greater the challenge, the more satisfaction.
If I don't have the right tools... I try to make it work with the tools I do have.
When my hormones began to draw me towards the opposite sex and relationships, the only tools I had were the ones my dad used.
But this is typical normal stuff so far, right?
The difference I think is...
Most guys don't feel the need to understand it like I do. I ask why, I question everything, I begin to doubt myself, and everyone around me. It builds and spills into every aspect of my life. Kind of like that movie " A Beautiful Mind " where Russell Crowe goes insane trying solve a enigma that may not exist.
When I get to that point, I cannot concentrate at work. I cannot sleep. It feels hopeless. I begin realize there is nothing that can be done about it...
And that is where I lose myself.
I often times expect my wife to fix it. She says she can't... (in my condition I interpret that as she won't)
(but often times she does help, she just don't know it or realize the value of it).
When I finally feel completely alone with it...
I take the pill.
I am instantly better.