Frozzy
04-12-2010, 07:32 PM
Hi.
I and my boyfriend met about a year ago, and recently we decided to move together.
He suffers from Bipolar ll - and he has tried in some ways to express what he needs the most when he's not feeling too well.
Like now. The last weeks he hasn't slept much - and when he has slept it has been a few hours on the couch. It's been over a month since he slept in our bed, to add.
The thing is, I've had some serious troubles to "just let him be", as he (I feels so stupid) asked for. But the only excuse is that I've been really really worried, and also sad because that I felt shut out. He haven't spoken to me about anything at all.
The only thing is that I've seen his face droop, he doesn't smile or laugh at all anymore. He doesn't sleep. Doesn't eat much.
And everytime I asked if we could just talk, to let me in a little little bit he has either refused to speak to me or lost his temper and shputed at me to leave him be. Wich I tried as best as I could. But then I get really concerned and I can't let it be. A few days passes and then, stupid as I am I do the same thing again.
I get really hurt, and emotional, even though I try not to and once it got out of hand I screamed at him.
I am constantly worried about his health, sad, hurt confused - and the more of those feelings I get, the less apropriate my behavior concerning his condition is.
Probably all this is just ramblings and sensless jibberish.
But I need som serious feedback, honest feedback.
I feel like I do nothing but hurting - the more wrong I do, the less is it likely to ever "be let in". And my frustration gets worse and all this is a big mess.
And then there's that little voice in me constantly asking: "If he know do love me, why can't he when he has a better day (which he has, back and forth) just give that tiny piece of information and that speck of affection that I need so badly?
Or am I just a stupid egoist?
I and my boyfriend met about a year ago, and recently we decided to move together.
He suffers from Bipolar ll - and he has tried in some ways to express what he needs the most when he's not feeling too well.
Like now. The last weeks he hasn't slept much - and when he has slept it has been a few hours on the couch. It's been over a month since he slept in our bed, to add.
The thing is, I've had some serious troubles to "just let him be", as he (I feels so stupid) asked for. But the only excuse is that I've been really really worried, and also sad because that I felt shut out. He haven't spoken to me about anything at all.
The only thing is that I've seen his face droop, he doesn't smile or laugh at all anymore. He doesn't sleep. Doesn't eat much.
And everytime I asked if we could just talk, to let me in a little little bit he has either refused to speak to me or lost his temper and shputed at me to leave him be. Wich I tried as best as I could. But then I get really concerned and I can't let it be. A few days passes and then, stupid as I am I do the same thing again.
I get really hurt, and emotional, even though I try not to and once it got out of hand I screamed at him.
I am constantly worried about his health, sad, hurt confused - and the more of those feelings I get, the less apropriate my behavior concerning his condition is.
Probably all this is just ramblings and sensless jibberish.
But I need som serious feedback, honest feedback.
I feel like I do nothing but hurting - the more wrong I do, the less is it likely to ever "be let in". And my frustration gets worse and all this is a big mess.
And then there's that little voice in me constantly asking: "If he know do love me, why can't he when he has a better day (which he has, back and forth) just give that tiny piece of information and that speck of affection that I need so badly?
Or am I just a stupid egoist?