FlightLine
05-03-2010, 09:24 PM
I've been to a few psychiatrists, been diagnosed with bipolar but I think I have a form of social anxiety mixed and adhd or add, major depression and ocd. Only once in my life have i had a "manic episode" and it was following a psychedelic drug overdose which made me believe I had seen God. During this time I was giddy and had lots of energy but my sleep patterns remained normal, I spent LESS than i do during anxious depression states during which I'm trying to distract myself and acting more responsibly than i have during depressive states.
My real problem I think is a feeling of isolation (from a fear of contact) and constant feelings of inexplicable tension or intrusive thoughts about hell and damnation. Body image disorders too. from middle school till now (I'm 21) I've had to constantly check mirrors or pinch at my skin, against my will (its such an embarrasing thing) When I'm in public places I have to buy a coffee or smoke a cigarette or retreat to a "home base" though i rarely feel better once I get there so I have to leave and then return again. I have a very difficult time focusing on anything for more than a few moments. I have to move from one thing to the next.
On top of this I have almost no energy so the tasks i switch from all require minimum effort and I never feel as though I've accomplished anything.
I think my diagnosis of bipolar comes from my social anxiety and trouble organizing my thoughts in psychiatric meetings. i tend to be caught in my own stream of disorganized thought and merely agree with what the psychiatrist is saying
Once, however, I took adderall and was fine! i honestly felt as though I had woken from a nightmare, that the real me had been buried while a shell had taken his place. I could focus and did things calmly and methodically, even took a pleasant nap. Nothing of the manic sort.
I've been growing more and more full of despair and don't know if i can hang on much longer. the obsessive thoughts are worse and worse, my focus is nonexistent, im socially anxious even around my closest friends and have had to withdraw from all social events. and the closest psychiatrist can't schedule an appointment for weeks!
Its infuriating because I know what could help me be me again but I don't know what to do and I don't know how to hang on. Should I go to an emergency room and explain about the adderall or will they just think its some kid trying to get a quick fix or sell for profit?
Help!
My real problem I think is a feeling of isolation (from a fear of contact) and constant feelings of inexplicable tension or intrusive thoughts about hell and damnation. Body image disorders too. from middle school till now (I'm 21) I've had to constantly check mirrors or pinch at my skin, against my will (its such an embarrasing thing) When I'm in public places I have to buy a coffee or smoke a cigarette or retreat to a "home base" though i rarely feel better once I get there so I have to leave and then return again. I have a very difficult time focusing on anything for more than a few moments. I have to move from one thing to the next.
On top of this I have almost no energy so the tasks i switch from all require minimum effort and I never feel as though I've accomplished anything.
I think my diagnosis of bipolar comes from my social anxiety and trouble organizing my thoughts in psychiatric meetings. i tend to be caught in my own stream of disorganized thought and merely agree with what the psychiatrist is saying
Once, however, I took adderall and was fine! i honestly felt as though I had woken from a nightmare, that the real me had been buried while a shell had taken his place. I could focus and did things calmly and methodically, even took a pleasant nap. Nothing of the manic sort.
I've been growing more and more full of despair and don't know if i can hang on much longer. the obsessive thoughts are worse and worse, my focus is nonexistent, im socially anxious even around my closest friends and have had to withdraw from all social events. and the closest psychiatrist can't schedule an appointment for weeks!
Its infuriating because I know what could help me be me again but I don't know what to do and I don't know how to hang on. Should I go to an emergency room and explain about the adderall or will they just think its some kid trying to get a quick fix or sell for profit?
Help!