valerieblue
05-12-2010, 01:16 AM
I'm 21 and female, have never been diagnosed with mental illness (because I'm too scared to go to a doctor about this) but I'm wondering if this is normal or a bigger problem... i don't drink or do drugs, i don't even smoke, and i've never done drugs before nor do i intend to do them. so i'd hate to be put on medication. anyway..... my story:
I live with my family, but I'm a college student so my schedule is different from theirs, so I'm often up late by myself. Thing is after about 1am (I can stay up as late as 4am) I begin to experience intense, illogical fear.... fear of ghosts, demons, just a dark evil presence that is about to get me.... i often feel like there is something right behind me and it makes me so f*ing scared you have no idea.... sometimes i have small hallucinations like my depth perception will get weird and it looks like still objects are wavering or coming towards me in steps...
i'm not generally a paranoid person in real life, but at night it's like any silly fear becomes so intensely real and urgent i could just scream and run away, literally i have run through the house before because of this fear, just bolted.
i feel safer when i'm wearing a hoodie or some scarf, blanket to cover the back of my neck... but even this doesn't completely make the fear go away...
i have had a fear of ghosts / evil spirits since i was little, at one point age 8-9, i couldn't cope being in a room by myself because i thought the ghosts would grab the back of my neck....
at night it's this complete disconnection with reality and like i'm suddenly living in a nightmare world where horrible things can happen any moment....
so i don't know why this intense fear is coming to me at night or if it's normal, or a symptom of some kind of schizophrenia. I've always suspected that I might be bordering on schizophrenic but the symptoms always seems too small to be serious... like i get disoriented / confused easily when i'm stressed, i've had hallucinations before, (face melting in the mirror, hearing sounds / voices that i know aren't really there) sometimes delusions of persecution when i think my friends all hate me and are out to get me... but this is all few and far between in a relatively normal life. these things are disturbing when they happen, but i function normally overall. i study and work and maintain relationships okay...
so i don't know... am i normal? or should i really get myself checked out?
Thank you to everyone who answers... xoxo
I live with my family, but I'm a college student so my schedule is different from theirs, so I'm often up late by myself. Thing is after about 1am (I can stay up as late as 4am) I begin to experience intense, illogical fear.... fear of ghosts, demons, just a dark evil presence that is about to get me.... i often feel like there is something right behind me and it makes me so f*ing scared you have no idea.... sometimes i have small hallucinations like my depth perception will get weird and it looks like still objects are wavering or coming towards me in steps...
i'm not generally a paranoid person in real life, but at night it's like any silly fear becomes so intensely real and urgent i could just scream and run away, literally i have run through the house before because of this fear, just bolted.
i feel safer when i'm wearing a hoodie or some scarf, blanket to cover the back of my neck... but even this doesn't completely make the fear go away...
i have had a fear of ghosts / evil spirits since i was little, at one point age 8-9, i couldn't cope being in a room by myself because i thought the ghosts would grab the back of my neck....
at night it's this complete disconnection with reality and like i'm suddenly living in a nightmare world where horrible things can happen any moment....
so i don't know why this intense fear is coming to me at night or if it's normal, or a symptom of some kind of schizophrenia. I've always suspected that I might be bordering on schizophrenic but the symptoms always seems too small to be serious... like i get disoriented / confused easily when i'm stressed, i've had hallucinations before, (face melting in the mirror, hearing sounds / voices that i know aren't really there) sometimes delusions of persecution when i think my friends all hate me and are out to get me... but this is all few and far between in a relatively normal life. these things are disturbing when they happen, but i function normally overall. i study and work and maintain relationships okay...
so i don't know... am i normal? or should i really get myself checked out?
Thank you to everyone who answers... xoxo