Polaaysis
01-28-2011, 03:16 AM
Hi, I was wondering what the chances of a 21 year old male, who was diagnosed Bi-Polar, are of having Schizophrenia. I have been unable to speak to my regular Psychiatrist or Psychologist for a number of years, due to a lack of funds, and this idea has been creeping in on me for a while.
Normally, I would shrug it off as a depressive state, but there have been many abnormalities to it. First off, I have been hearing a voice. Just one, really, and it's not telling me to do anything terrible, sort of, besides suicide. It seems to delight in telling me I'm not worthy of life and that I should just end it before I get in much deeper. Usually it happens when I'm outside, and only occurs when the wind is blowing.
Also, I have seen weird reflections. I mean weird as in reflections in screen doors. I always double take, because I read somewhere that I should confirm that it's just my imagination or whatever, but the first time around, it's clear as day.
Another incident, when I was in my old apartment, I was thinking about the story surrounding Jesus of Nazareth, and how I would love to talk to a man like that, when a bloodied face with a crown of thorns appeared around the corner of my kitchen and said to me "Here I am, now speak." I thought it was rather odd, but as I sat there staring at him, it occured to me that I should look away and look back to see if it was still there. I did so, and looked back to see him standing there still, just staring at me. I was shocked to say the least. I went into the bathroom, and took a shower, tried to relax, probably was out of the area for about a half hour, and went back, looked and there was still a figure there, though it was very much less solid and visible.
These are all recent, though, I need to share the roots of my beliefs on this subject.
When I was 8, I was walking to school, contemplating the things I had heard at church, thinking about how it would be possible to even attempt at a life like Jesus', silly childish thoughts, perhaps, but thoughts that stuck with me for my entire life since then. As I was walking, I asked God if I had a chance to compare to the man. Suddenly, I heard a voice saying "Go and be true" or something to that effect, the exact details are a little foggy.
Ever since then, when I was walking around at night, I would notice abnormally tall figures standing down alley ways, with large dark cloaks and hoods, with eyes that were so red they looked like an albino rat's eyes. I eventually accepted them, and as I was going through school, the voice would tell me many answers that I could not have ever known. By 4th grade I was reading at a college level, and doing math at almost the same level. I've never had an artistic ability, however, besides writing.
I was never really worried about it, until a few years back, when the voice said "You must die for me soon." Now that threw me into a deep state of confusion and panic, but I inquired and pressed for an answer to why. I never got an answer, until a day in January of 2009, when I was sitting on my friend's porch, smoking a cigarette. I had what I assume to be a heart attack, and perhaps a stroke (I have yet to see a doctor about it). After the pain had subsided, I felt as though I was unconscious, and I left my body, but did not stay on the Earth. I traveled to a dark land, and there were blue bodied beings staring at me. They talked to me for a bit, and decided I needed to go back. So... Here I am.
The most recent visions have only happened since this, and I am quite confused. Research has lead to nothing of help.
If you can, please help me.
Normally, I would shrug it off as a depressive state, but there have been many abnormalities to it. First off, I have been hearing a voice. Just one, really, and it's not telling me to do anything terrible, sort of, besides suicide. It seems to delight in telling me I'm not worthy of life and that I should just end it before I get in much deeper. Usually it happens when I'm outside, and only occurs when the wind is blowing.
Also, I have seen weird reflections. I mean weird as in reflections in screen doors. I always double take, because I read somewhere that I should confirm that it's just my imagination or whatever, but the first time around, it's clear as day.
Another incident, when I was in my old apartment, I was thinking about the story surrounding Jesus of Nazareth, and how I would love to talk to a man like that, when a bloodied face with a crown of thorns appeared around the corner of my kitchen and said to me "Here I am, now speak." I thought it was rather odd, but as I sat there staring at him, it occured to me that I should look away and look back to see if it was still there. I did so, and looked back to see him standing there still, just staring at me. I was shocked to say the least. I went into the bathroom, and took a shower, tried to relax, probably was out of the area for about a half hour, and went back, looked and there was still a figure there, though it was very much less solid and visible.
These are all recent, though, I need to share the roots of my beliefs on this subject.
When I was 8, I was walking to school, contemplating the things I had heard at church, thinking about how it would be possible to even attempt at a life like Jesus', silly childish thoughts, perhaps, but thoughts that stuck with me for my entire life since then. As I was walking, I asked God if I had a chance to compare to the man. Suddenly, I heard a voice saying "Go and be true" or something to that effect, the exact details are a little foggy.
Ever since then, when I was walking around at night, I would notice abnormally tall figures standing down alley ways, with large dark cloaks and hoods, with eyes that were so red they looked like an albino rat's eyes. I eventually accepted them, and as I was going through school, the voice would tell me many answers that I could not have ever known. By 4th grade I was reading at a college level, and doing math at almost the same level. I've never had an artistic ability, however, besides writing.
I was never really worried about it, until a few years back, when the voice said "You must die for me soon." Now that threw me into a deep state of confusion and panic, but I inquired and pressed for an answer to why. I never got an answer, until a day in January of 2009, when I was sitting on my friend's porch, smoking a cigarette. I had what I assume to be a heart attack, and perhaps a stroke (I have yet to see a doctor about it). After the pain had subsided, I felt as though I was unconscious, and I left my body, but did not stay on the Earth. I traveled to a dark land, and there were blue bodied beings staring at me. They talked to me for a bit, and decided I needed to go back. So... Here I am.
The most recent visions have only happened since this, and I am quite confused. Research has lead to nothing of help.
If you can, please help me.