7h313r013
06-27-2009, 04:47 AM
Hi.
I've never gone to see a professional about anything.. but everything is seeming to get worse for no apparent reason. I will list some symptoms I'm having and hopefully someone can give me some insight as to what is going on.
-Ever since I can remember I have had randomly triggered mood swings where... well it's hard to explain but I would basically realize I was alive and hated this fact, it felt like everything inside me just dropped and like I want to die. A bit exaggerated, though. These have become more frequent lately, happening not only at random times, but also typically while taking a shower. I think about my thought process and before it happens I don't seem to be thinking of anything I think would depress me.
-I typically cry at least once a day, at least lately. It has progressed to this point over the past 4-5 years.
-I get REALLY angry over the dumbest things. Sometimes I feel a twitch in my eye and I snap and can't control my anger. I know I'm being ridiculous but I can't handle it.
-Tendencies to be completely over-controlling.
-Intense mood swings after sex (.. but I don't actually feel unhappy about it or anything).
-I go through stages of being so happy that I don't care about my responsibilities ... sort of an "life's too great to be weighed down by anything I don't want to do" kind of attitude. Usually lasting a few months, and then it changes to an extremely depressed suicidal mood where I think about killing myself every 10 minutes.
-I thought I should mention that I know smoking pot can bring out schizophrenic tendencies, and it runs in my family, and I've done it twice (both times incredibly bad trips and anxienty attacks the whole time.. NEVER AGAIN), but I never got anxiety attacks before when I was sober but
I think I am starting to develop them. If there are too many people around me I feel trapped and like it's hard to breathe. The main thing that set me off to write on here is that today I was at school in an enclosed area with people crowded around and I couldn't get out of my head that the girl behind me was staring at me, and it was bothering me really bad, and normally if that happened I wouldn't even think about it really.
-When I am in the depressed stage, which I am in right now, I can't stand to be alone, like I feel like when I'm alone with my thoughts I'm going to fall deeper into depression and .. it's like I don't feel safe with my own mind, like if given the chance my mind would make me kill myself, as strange as that souns.
I know it's not normal to have any of these thoughts. Perhaps they are just worsened right now because of stress, but I'm worried they are not and that it's just going to get worse and worse. There is probably more that I'm not thinking of, so feel free to ask any questions. If anyone has any ideas, please help me.
Thanks.
I've never gone to see a professional about anything.. but everything is seeming to get worse for no apparent reason. I will list some symptoms I'm having and hopefully someone can give me some insight as to what is going on.
-Ever since I can remember I have had randomly triggered mood swings where... well it's hard to explain but I would basically realize I was alive and hated this fact, it felt like everything inside me just dropped and like I want to die. A bit exaggerated, though. These have become more frequent lately, happening not only at random times, but also typically while taking a shower. I think about my thought process and before it happens I don't seem to be thinking of anything I think would depress me.
-I typically cry at least once a day, at least lately. It has progressed to this point over the past 4-5 years.
-I get REALLY angry over the dumbest things. Sometimes I feel a twitch in my eye and I snap and can't control my anger. I know I'm being ridiculous but I can't handle it.
-Tendencies to be completely over-controlling.
-Intense mood swings after sex (.. but I don't actually feel unhappy about it or anything).
-I go through stages of being so happy that I don't care about my responsibilities ... sort of an "life's too great to be weighed down by anything I don't want to do" kind of attitude. Usually lasting a few months, and then it changes to an extremely depressed suicidal mood where I think about killing myself every 10 minutes.
-I thought I should mention that I know smoking pot can bring out schizophrenic tendencies, and it runs in my family, and I've done it twice (both times incredibly bad trips and anxienty attacks the whole time.. NEVER AGAIN), but I never got anxiety attacks before when I was sober but
I think I am starting to develop them. If there are too many people around me I feel trapped and like it's hard to breathe. The main thing that set me off to write on here is that today I was at school in an enclosed area with people crowded around and I couldn't get out of my head that the girl behind me was staring at me, and it was bothering me really bad, and normally if that happened I wouldn't even think about it really.
-When I am in the depressed stage, which I am in right now, I can't stand to be alone, like I feel like when I'm alone with my thoughts I'm going to fall deeper into depression and .. it's like I don't feel safe with my own mind, like if given the chance my mind would make me kill myself, as strange as that souns.
I know it's not normal to have any of these thoughts. Perhaps they are just worsened right now because of stress, but I'm worried they are not and that it's just going to get worse and worse. There is probably more that I'm not thinking of, so feel free to ask any questions. If anyone has any ideas, please help me.
Thanks.