Breaking_Point
08-18-2009, 09:15 PM
This may sound deep to some of you, maybe even most of you, but I have an issue connecting with people emotionally and verbally.
A lot of people mistake these disconnections with low self-esteem and extreme shyness -- but the truth is, I'm just UNABLE to connect emotionally and verbally.
I've been in several situations where friends and family alike would be laughing over something that was said, and I'd be the only one with a straight face on -- (emotionless). I'll look around and see my brother in law laughing so hard his face is turning red, and I'll find it hard to even crack a smile. It's not that I don't find what was said funny, I just can't seem to release that emotional part of me that's suppose to laugh and smile. Today my dad made my mom laugh, and I guess I should have laughed as well, but my face remained straight and serious. My mom noticed and asked if I was feeling ok. In order to save an unnecessary arguement, which would have happened, I told her I was fine -- (which she didn't believe for a second.)
Verbally I am unable to communicate because I feel like I don't have much control over my thoughts. And if I do talk, my voice won't come out fluently. (Like easy and clear to understand -- sorry can't explain this.)
I feel like I am in the beginning stages of something awful. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm a baby sociopath or psychopath, but I do have issues with paranoia and my psychiatrist has noticed my level of paranoia to be that of psychosis. I'm terrified that I'm going to remain like this or gradually get worse.
I am on certain anxiety meds, and even agreed to try out antidepressants for awhile, but so far nothing is really working. I always find it helpful to talk with my health worker once a week about my problems, but in the end I ship out with the same ship I came in with. Also when I feel emotionally and verbally disconnected with people, it's not something I can just reject and break through, it completely takes me over and I have to deal with it until I naturally am able to connect again, which doesn't happen often.
I know I just brought up some really weird stuff, but any advice at all on what's going on with me would be muchly appreciated, because let me tell you guys, I'm suffering with these problems.
A lot of people mistake these disconnections with low self-esteem and extreme shyness -- but the truth is, I'm just UNABLE to connect emotionally and verbally.
I've been in several situations where friends and family alike would be laughing over something that was said, and I'd be the only one with a straight face on -- (emotionless). I'll look around and see my brother in law laughing so hard his face is turning red, and I'll find it hard to even crack a smile. It's not that I don't find what was said funny, I just can't seem to release that emotional part of me that's suppose to laugh and smile. Today my dad made my mom laugh, and I guess I should have laughed as well, but my face remained straight and serious. My mom noticed and asked if I was feeling ok. In order to save an unnecessary arguement, which would have happened, I told her I was fine -- (which she didn't believe for a second.)
Verbally I am unable to communicate because I feel like I don't have much control over my thoughts. And if I do talk, my voice won't come out fluently. (Like easy and clear to understand -- sorry can't explain this.)
I feel like I am in the beginning stages of something awful. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm a baby sociopath or psychopath, but I do have issues with paranoia and my psychiatrist has noticed my level of paranoia to be that of psychosis. I'm terrified that I'm going to remain like this or gradually get worse.
I am on certain anxiety meds, and even agreed to try out antidepressants for awhile, but so far nothing is really working. I always find it helpful to talk with my health worker once a week about my problems, but in the end I ship out with the same ship I came in with. Also when I feel emotionally and verbally disconnected with people, it's not something I can just reject and break through, it completely takes me over and I have to deal with it until I naturally am able to connect again, which doesn't happen often.
I know I just brought up some really weird stuff, but any advice at all on what's going on with me would be muchly appreciated, because let me tell you guys, I'm suffering with these problems.