SAD
09-13-2009, 07:00 PM
I'm 21 years of age and am suffering from severe depression, social anxiety disorder, and avoidant personality disorder, all self-diagnosed.
I've had Social Anxiety Disorder and Avoidant Personality since middle school (somewhere around age 12). I didn't know what it was then, or for years to come. I kind of hoped it would just go away, but it didn't...
Until this point in time, I feel like life has consisted of a string of utter failures in my attempts to be normal, successful, and to feel loved/accepted. I have little motivation, no goals, zero confidence, low self-worth... I basically feel like a freak. I rationally understand that people don't see me that way, but I feel like one.
Fear is an everyday part of my life. Because I am so absurdly afraid of being judged by others (as per the above mentioned personality disorders), I consequently dread living life. This includes being bold, confident, funny, charming, etc. for fear of being ridiculed. I basically feel like a dummy, showing little emotion, attitude, or character around others.
As a result of all this, I have recently been having serious thoughts of suicide (thinking about the how to do it, the impact it will have, etc). I've suppressed those thoughts now, and have been trying to just continue with life. However... Money is scarce, decent jobs are hard to land (with my unfortunate lack of skills), and relationships are nonexistent. And depression... well, that's nothing new. I seriously need to take a new direction in self-help, which I guess is why i'm here.
I know this is very broad, but concerning the disorders... Any self-help advice?
I've had Social Anxiety Disorder and Avoidant Personality since middle school (somewhere around age 12). I didn't know what it was then, or for years to come. I kind of hoped it would just go away, but it didn't...
Until this point in time, I feel like life has consisted of a string of utter failures in my attempts to be normal, successful, and to feel loved/accepted. I have little motivation, no goals, zero confidence, low self-worth... I basically feel like a freak. I rationally understand that people don't see me that way, but I feel like one.
Fear is an everyday part of my life. Because I am so absurdly afraid of being judged by others (as per the above mentioned personality disorders), I consequently dread living life. This includes being bold, confident, funny, charming, etc. for fear of being ridiculed. I basically feel like a dummy, showing little emotion, attitude, or character around others.
As a result of all this, I have recently been having serious thoughts of suicide (thinking about the how to do it, the impact it will have, etc). I've suppressed those thoughts now, and have been trying to just continue with life. However... Money is scarce, decent jobs are hard to land (with my unfortunate lack of skills), and relationships are nonexistent. And depression... well, that's nothing new. I seriously need to take a new direction in self-help, which I guess is why i'm here.
I know this is very broad, but concerning the disorders... Any self-help advice?