southofapril
10-02-2009, 11:29 PM
Alright, so..here's the deal.
Last night, I was sitting up on my couch in the living room. I hadn't been sleeping in my bed cause I'd been sick with the flu (ugh), and didn't feel like dragging all my crap up there. So I was all settled, with my laptop. TV was off, all but a couple lights were off, I was listening to Glee's version of Don't Stop Believin' ( I'm a total Gleek :rolleyes:), and I go on myspace. I see a picture of this certain girl that's on my top friends. Well.. was on my top friends.
Now, this girl, we'll call her Meg*. (i'm sorry if there are any Megs here! :( ) I've known her since my freshman year in high school, and we've hung out a lot. I used to have a really big crush on her, but that's since passed, since now I have a fiance. She was really into drugs, and I mean hard drugs - speed, ecstasy, all that stuff, plus lighter stuff like weed and painkillers, and she smoked. She got me into weed and pills, and got me smoking (I was an idiot.) Anyway, I went through the phase then got out of it, and I haven't done any of that stuff since, and I haven't really hung out with her in a while. Problem is, she's gotten pretty attached to me as a friend and is always trying to talk to me and hang out, which wouldn't be such a bad thing...
..if I didn't get a really bad feeling whenever I'm around her. I always get the feeling I should *not* be there at all when I'm with her, and I don't like it and I know that feeling is right so I never want to be around it. I feel terrible because she's not a bad person, though. But anyway, background info over.
So last night, I see her on my myspace page, and this feeling comes over me...it's some horrid mixture of terror, and nausea, and my chest tightened up and my first instinct was just to run or hide or anything. Her face looked different, evil, even though it was her face...this is really hard to explain so please bear with me..it was almost like my mind was expecting her face to morph into something monstrous, so I was terrified. And there was another feeling that I have no name for at all.
I've only ever felt this feeling once before, when I was very, very young. I felt it when I saw someone I didn't know. I looked into their face and felt this exact same feeling and just wanted to run. I feel so horrible for feeling this way, but it's not something I can help.
Soon after that, I had a normal (normal - Ha!) panic attack. I was terrified and started crying and couldn't move and just had to let it pass. Then the feeling very slowly went away, but I was up until four because some of the fear was still there.
Some other info that might or might not be relevant: I'm on my period, and I'm epileptic, and I've had panic attacks and migraines with auras before. Has anyone else ever felt this? I'm desperate for advice/opinions. Thank you.
Last night, I was sitting up on my couch in the living room. I hadn't been sleeping in my bed cause I'd been sick with the flu (ugh), and didn't feel like dragging all my crap up there. So I was all settled, with my laptop. TV was off, all but a couple lights were off, I was listening to Glee's version of Don't Stop Believin' ( I'm a total Gleek :rolleyes:), and I go on myspace. I see a picture of this certain girl that's on my top friends. Well.. was on my top friends.
Now, this girl, we'll call her Meg*. (i'm sorry if there are any Megs here! :( ) I've known her since my freshman year in high school, and we've hung out a lot. I used to have a really big crush on her, but that's since passed, since now I have a fiance. She was really into drugs, and I mean hard drugs - speed, ecstasy, all that stuff, plus lighter stuff like weed and painkillers, and she smoked. She got me into weed and pills, and got me smoking (I was an idiot.) Anyway, I went through the phase then got out of it, and I haven't done any of that stuff since, and I haven't really hung out with her in a while. Problem is, she's gotten pretty attached to me as a friend and is always trying to talk to me and hang out, which wouldn't be such a bad thing...
..if I didn't get a really bad feeling whenever I'm around her. I always get the feeling I should *not* be there at all when I'm with her, and I don't like it and I know that feeling is right so I never want to be around it. I feel terrible because she's not a bad person, though. But anyway, background info over.
So last night, I see her on my myspace page, and this feeling comes over me...it's some horrid mixture of terror, and nausea, and my chest tightened up and my first instinct was just to run or hide or anything. Her face looked different, evil, even though it was her face...this is really hard to explain so please bear with me..it was almost like my mind was expecting her face to morph into something monstrous, so I was terrified. And there was another feeling that I have no name for at all.
I've only ever felt this feeling once before, when I was very, very young. I felt it when I saw someone I didn't know. I looked into their face and felt this exact same feeling and just wanted to run. I feel so horrible for feeling this way, but it's not something I can help.
Soon after that, I had a normal (normal - Ha!) panic attack. I was terrified and started crying and couldn't move and just had to let it pass. Then the feeling very slowly went away, but I was up until four because some of the fear was still there.
Some other info that might or might not be relevant: I'm on my period, and I'm epileptic, and I've had panic attacks and migraines with auras before. Has anyone else ever felt this? I'm desperate for advice/opinions. Thank you.