Wrecked Relationships

[Gareth]

Hello,

This is my first posting to this forum. I have Manic-Depressive Illness (Bipolar I). I seems like I experience a manic episode when I least need it. Not that I ever need but that, unfortunatly, is the nature of the illness. When this happens I ruin relationships. People don't understand or don't want to. They just think I'm nuts despite the explications of my condition and my apologies for my behaviour. Right now I fell terribly low. I wrecked another one.

I'm a web designer by profession and the client that I was working for was extremely demanding. It seemed like nothing I did was right despite the fact that I believe it was the best site I have ever created to date. Nothing was right. "Change this, change that." The site is written in PHP and JAVA Script code and is extremely complex. Some of the things I could change and some were impossible. "Well, there must be a way to fix this." Depite my explinations to the contrary it did no good. One file contained over 6000 lines of code. Finally, after so much of this it sent me into a manic stage and I completely blew it. I couldn't take it anymore. He blames me even though technically he still has a perfectly functioning website. Http://www.rubyriverphotography.com.

Now, I'm in a state of severe depression and blame myself for everything. I have the same tapes going over and over in my head. I saw my Pdoc yesterday and he increased my Lamitcal. I hope it helps.

Right now I'm left in total confusion and remorse. I don't know what to do.

Gareth

[faepacific]

I know about the tapes going over and over. That seems to be a common thing that happens during my manic phases as well... I can spend hours pacing around the house replaying the same five minute conversation.

It's good that you came her and wrote it out... that really does seem to be the best and least harmful way of letting things go.

Don't feel too bad about the website. Some people are just unpleasable. Bottom line is... people don't understand because if it hasn't happened to them or someone they love, they generally don't care. This guy doesn't sound like a very compassionate person to begin with.

Keep getting it out... the more you do that, the less you will find yourself trapped in the same cycle of thought...no matter how many times you replay it in your mind, you can't change it. I wish we could.

Make yourself a blog dedicated to venting... you'll be surprised how many people really do understand.

[Gareth]

I know about the tapes going over and over. That seems to be a common thing that happens during my manic phases as well... I can spend hours pacing around the house replaying the same five minute conversation.

It's good that you came her and wrote it out... that really does seem to be the best and least harmful way of letting things go.

Don't feel too bad about the website. Some people are just unpleasable. Bottom line is... people don't understand because if it hasn't happened to them or someone they love, they generally don't care. This guy doesn't sound like a very compassionate person to begin with.

Keep getting it out... the more you do that, the less you will find yourself trapped in the same cycle of thought...no matter how many times you replay it in your mind, you can't change it. I wish we could.

Make yourself a blog dedicated to venting... you'll be surprised how many people really do understand.

Hello Fae,

How kind of you to write. You sound like a very caring and compassionate person. It's good to know that there are people in the world like you. It helps makes life a little easier.

The blog is a good idea. I never thought of that before. Thank you for the advise.

Peace always,

Gareth